Personal Growth » New Trail Coaching, Scott Malyszka

The Attitude Of Abandon

Feb 202012

Imagine a bunch of kids in a backyard football game. They play for the pure fun of the game. The game is not a means to an end–just a pleasure in itself. None of them think about the status and wealth that comes to the most gifted athletes. They play because it’s fun to play. The kids abandon all thoughts except the game itself, losing themselves in the moment of the action.

Lose Yourself

How can an artistic personality bring an attitude of abandon to his work?

Lose track of time. Set up your schedule so you have some blocks of time to just hang out with your work. Find an afternoon or evening where you don’t have to think about the next thing coming up in an hour. Even better, set up a regular time. “Every Saturday night I stay up late with my sculpture work.”
Lose yourself in space. Find a comfortable place where you feel good doing your work. That place might be a typical work area, such as a library or home studio. It might be an unusual place, such as sitting in your car in the park, or on the steps leading up to the attic. Find a place where you can get lost in your work without interruption, even if that means negotiating some spatial boundaries with others in your home.
Lose yourself in the work. Produce without worrying about marketability. You can decide which finished pieces you will send out into the public later. First things first–just work and forget everything else. Your imagination has enough material most of the time. It only needs you to struggle through the hard work of choosing, creating, revising, and finishing.

Play games

Give your imagination some freedom, let it run off its leash for a while.

A poet who is stuck might try to write the worst poem possible, or she might try writing a love poem to an earthworm.
A musician struggling with an intense piece of music could try playing a few lines backward or in a silly rhythm, just for some comic relief.
An actor might parody himself, or imitate his cat performing Shakespeare.
A novelist could imagine a plot where a large rock is elected prime minister of Canada, and how that would bring about world peace. Or perhaps a story where scientists discover that the number eighty-two doesn’t really exist.
An artist could draw cartoons of giant forks and spoons having a dance in the kitchen.

Though these are silly suggestions, there is a serious side to the attitude of abandon. Sometimes the intensity of artistic work makes a soul miserable. Sometimes a creative person holds to tightly to her project. She tries to hard, worries too much about outcomes, and suddenly the joy of the work turns into resentment and harsh self-criticism.

For the artistic personality that feels discouraged or stuck, letting go with the attitude of abandon can help break up the ice around the imagination. What are some things you can do to grow the attitude of abandon in your creative endeavors?

Meditation Helps The Wandering Mind

Dec 272011

The Los Angeles Times published a recent article about the benefits of meditation to prevent mind-wandering and depression.

Note the key sentence in this article that perfectly describes the goal of mind-focusing practices:

Meditation, suggests Brewer, appears to be “perfect practice” in the skills that make undistracted work a possibility: the ability to detect the first signs of mind-wandering, to recognize and essentially forgive the impulse, and then gently to draw the mind back to the task at hand.

In creative work, a habit of resistance can build up to the point where you lose the ability to work on your art. You want to do your work, but you don’t want to do it. The resistance comes from a long history of negative feedback about you and your interests and your abilities. meditation exercises, as this article points out, can be a huge step toward rewriting your thought patterns and breaking down the resistance.

some folks like meditation for its own sake. It is an escape or a relaxation–a way to let go of stress and feel renewed. I’m in favor of all those things, but this article brings out an extra emphasis. meditation helps one control the thoughts and stay focused. When we go beyond meditation for its own sake, we can see practical benefits. It’s like building up your mental muscles so you have the strength and stamina to keep your focus.

Read my post on centering for one example of a thought exercise to help build stronger mental focus.

The Big Let-Down: What Happens After Festivals And Conferences

Nov 192011

You know the feeling. A great concert, a fabulous festival, an inspiring conference–and then you go home. The day job is there, the kids’ homework and after-school activities await, and even the dog is pissed at you for going away for a few days. Suddenly and surprisingly, your mood drops way below normal. What happened to the high from the big event?

My good friend Dr. Ruthie is a sex and relationship educator. She sees a similar let-down in the conferences in her field of work. She and many others use the term “con drop” to describe the low energy state after an intense, inspiring event. Check out her blog post on “Symptoms and Solutions For Con Drop.”

Music people can experience the same let-down after a big event, especially festivals and conferences where you get to hear so much great sound and meet so many people. I’ve just returned home from a super weekend at the Northeast Regional Folk Alliance, and my sluggish days afterward reminded me of Ruthie’s post. Allow me to borrow a bit from her and put my own spin on the aftermath of a big music event.

Be Your Own Best Secretary

Once you get home, you’ll want to remember and follow through on all the great conversations and experiences. There’s no way your brain will remember all the people you talked to, all the insights and inspirations you gained, and all the follow-up you want to do. You need to act like a secretary for a terribly busy big shot–keeping all the contacts and appointments organized.

When you are organized, you won’t be bumming and regretting afterward that you slept through some great stuff or got sick by not eating for a day and a half.

Take exhaustive notes. When you get a few minutes between sets and conversations, write down everything. Keep a journal describing everyone you talked to, all the acts you saw, and all of your impressions. It’s the only way you will retain those rapid fire impressions and details. The information will keep coming at you faster and faster, and your brain’s buffers will throw away lots of good stuff because they just can’t hold it all. Writing down all of your experiences will give you a chance later to sort and sift through things. You’ll have business cards, CDs, emails, flyers, and scribbles all over the place, so plan your strategy for organizing all those names, faces, times, and places.
Set a good schedule for your basic necessities. Make sure you have the meals figured out so you aren’t short-circuiting yourself by under-eating. Keep up with your hygiene. I keep hearing people complain about how stinky some folks get at festivals and conferences. Smelling bad makes for bad networking, no matter how pretty your business card, no mattter how good you sound. And make sure you have a good plan for sleep. That might mean napping at 3 pm so that you have the energy for 3 am jamming. But that 3pm nap might not happen if you don’t intentionally put a spot in your schedule for it.

Keep It Real With The networking

There are musicians and music-biz people who are all about selling themselves. The old maxim for musicians is, “Promote yourself, promote yourself, promote yourself.” You can act like a slimy used-car salesperson or a greedy preacher, willing to go to any length to make a deal. Or you can find a natural, authentic, and friendly way to connect with others.

there is a big difference that is easy to see when you are looking for it. Some performers are making a presentation, and others are engaged in two-way conversation. There’s a time to pitch yourself, sure. You got to get airplay and gigs. But there’s also a vibe of openness and community that some people have. They’re the ones who join into the jam session to jam and have fun, rather than to show what they got and to brag about who they jammed with later. They’re the musicians who listen to other musicians and become sincere fans, rather than simply sizing up the competition.

When you have the community approach to your networking, then you’ll have some new friends and contacts after the big event. When the let-down hits you, you’ll have a few nice emails coming in over the next few days that will help brighten the mood. Otherwise, you’ll be sitting at home wondering why plastering your thousands of flyers all ove the place didn’t really pan out.

Finding The Gaps

If you watch closely, you’ll see trends. The same two or three vocal licks or stylings being used, the sexy instrument of the season–it’s been the ubiquitous ukulele for the past few years. And you will see some gaps, some glaring absences. I saw two or three of these at NERFA, and I’m considering them as secret weapons. Of course there’s nothing automatic about doing something different from everyone else, but you might find that you have a unique aspect to your music that will be a breath of fresh air. That’s how fads and trends start–a lot of people start saying, “Wow, yeah, haven’t heard anything like that for a while!”

And no, I’m not going to give away my secrets. You’ll have to figure out your own secret weapons, or catch up with me some time next year.

What Are Your Experiences?

It’s not just for music festivals or conferences. The big let-down can ambush you after any event with intense emotions and energy. I wonder how many honeymoons have been derailed by day-after-huge-wedding drop. I don’t know for myself–both of my wedding ceremonies were very small, and I have never experienced a regular “honeymoon” at the all-inclusive resort, or whatever the kiddos go for nowadays.

What are your bummer hours or days like after a big event such as a huge concert or conference? Leave a comment and let us all know your experiences.

Some Wisdom Borrowed From a Bach violin Lesson

Nov 052011

Today I ran across this blog post on violinist.com about a violin student’s tears when facing the challenge of playing Bach. I’m an appalachian fiddler, not a classical violinist, but I can relate to a few points here.

Point #1: don’t count on linear progression in your efforts to improve. The writer describes how a piece can make intonation and other technical issues come to the fore. I see this with my Appalachian music buddies. We’ll take a simple tune and try it out, and it seems ready to go within a few tries. then after playing it at gigs for a while, suddenly the tune seems to lose its groove, and we have to really practice hard on it to tighten it up. Now you have it, and suddenly you lost it and struggle to find it again.

I see this in my private practice on the fiddle. I’ll work on tone exercises for a few months, and suddenly my timing seems off. I work on timing, and my intonation slips. then I work on intonation, and circle around and around. Music is like other parts of life: You keep learning the same lessons over and over.

Point #2: Don’t assume that your subjective experience of playing a piece corresponds exactly to the objective experience of hearing it. In the Bach blog post, the student feels like she is losing ground while the teacher hears progress. I see this dispute between subjective and objective in myself and in other musicians fairly regularly. “did that sound OK?” “I didn’t play very well.” “You sounded great. Why do you act like you didn’t play so well?”

It helps to give less than one hundred percent credence to your subjective experience of playing. Listen to the subjective, but then ask others for their input and feedback to balance things out.

Point #3: Perfection? What is that? I appreciate the idea of holding oneself to very high standards. but perfection means playing in tune, playing in exact rhythm, all the technical and mechanical parts of music. What about emotion and personality? What about smiling at the audience, or playing with sadness, or vulnerability? for my appalachian fiddle music, it’s about making people tap their feet and getting up to dance. If I skip a few notes but have a strong pulse and drive, that’s a successful performance.

Breath Focus: An Exercise For Staying In The Present

Oct 132011

Paying attention to your physical senses is a helpful way to calm the mind when your thoughts are stuck in worry mode. Seeing, hearing, touching, smelling, and tasting can help bring the mind into the present moment. Sometimes thoughts of the past or the future become overwhelming, and focusing on the present moment can help calm your mind.

“Breath focus” is an exercise to help you focus on the present. Most meditation practices use breath as a central theme or core activity. Breath focus is an easy tool that is based on many of these meditation traditions and practices.

To do breath focus, you simply pay attention to your breathing. You don’t need to try to breathe in a certain way. Just breathe, and watch all the little steps involved. Feel the air entering your nostrils. Focus on the air passing down your windpipe. Listen to see if your nose, mouth, or voice box is making any sound as you breathe. Feel how slowly or rapidly you are breathing in and out. Feel how far the air goes down into your body. Perhaps your breath is shallow right now, and the air is going a little way into your chest. Maybe you are breathing more deeply, and the air is filling your lungs and pushing down to your abdomen. Look down and see how your chest or abdomen moves with your breath.

Focusing on your breath can engage the senses of feeling, hearing, seeing, and smelling. Practice the exercise for a minute or two at home when things are quiet. You should find that your thoughts calm down a little as you put your attention on your breathing in the present moment. When you are comfortable doing this exercise at home, then you can try it out when stressful or nervous situations arise.

You can expand the exercise to other activities besides breathing. Try focusing all five senses as you pour and drink a glass of juice. Listen to the sound of the juice leaving the bottle. Feel the coldness of the bottle. Think about smell, taste, color, sound, shape, motion, and temperature as you raise the glass to your mouth and drink the juice.

A few moments focusing on the present can help your mind when it is stuck worrying or fretting. Doing an exercise like breath focus can strengthen your ability to quiet and control your thoughts when worry and nervousness are stealing the show. Try the exercise for a few days, and leave a comment to let folks know how it worked for you.

Check out the “Mood Surfing” tele-class recording on my resources page for a demonstration of breath focus and other exercises for calming the mind.

Centering: A Simple Exercise To Tame Your Monkey Mind

Oct 062011

“Monkey mind” is a common saying for jumpy, nervous thoughts and feelings that cause one to feel uneasy or anxious. Perhaps you have experienced monkey mind when trying to sleep at night but you can’t stop thinking about an argument you had earlier in the day. Maybe you find yourself waking up in the morning pacing around the house talking to yourself as you worry about a tense conversation with someone you don’t like. Our feelings and inner chatter can run around inside us like a frantic monkey, making quite the mess.

Here is a simple exercise called “centering” that you might find helpful for quieting your mind. This exercise is my stripped-down version of a practice known as “centering prayer.” I have removed the spiritual and religious parts to make a simpler exercise. If you are curious about the more complex Christian practice of centering prayer, check out books by Fr. Thomas Keating.

Here are the steps:

Start by sitting in a relaxed position. Slow down your breathing, and try to relax your body.
Think of a simple word to focus your attention on. I like using words such as “quiet,” “calm,” “relax,” “peace,” or “sleep.”
Say the word silently in your mind and wait. As a thought, image, or feeling enters your mind, you will do two things: Do not resist, and do not retain.
“Do not resist” means you will allow the thought or feeling to arrive. Think of it as something floating along down the stream of your thoughts. Even if it is an unpleasant feeling or thought, allow it to enter.
“Do not retain” means that you will let the thought float away down the stream. You will let go of it and wave good-bye.
After letting go of the thought or image, return to your word. Say it again silently and wait.
As more thoughts arise, repeat the same steps. Do not resist, and do not retain. Return to your word and speak it silently.

This exercise will help you strengthen your ability to let go of persistent impulses and inner chatter that trouble your mind. Try doing it for a few minutes at a time when you feel calm and comfortable, to get used to quieting yourself. If you practice it every day, you will become better at quieting your thoughts when you are in an emotionally charged situation.

My Resources page has a recording of my “Mood Surfing” tele-class where I demonstrate several thought and breath exercises for calming the mind.

Was this centering exercise helpful for you? Leave a comment to let me know your experience after trying it once or twice.